A day in another's shoes.

Whilst I have friends and colleagues with disabilities, I've generally been the person with most disabilities or issues to have to manage on a daily basis. Until recently.

I've always appreciated my partner, she looks after me, cares for me, pre-plans everything and takes account of every aspect of my disability. I could cope without her. I've always known how physically hard she works looking after me, physically doing my washing, cooking, cleaning, carrying me, moving me and every household task I can name. I thank h daily for all that she does for me.

What I haven't taken account of was how hard it was emotionally. My father has recently been diagnosed with oesophagus cancer as has had a tracheotomy, shortly to be followed by laryxoptomy - completely removing his voice box and with it his ability to speak. Whilst physically taking care of him is something I can assist with, and his partner (soon to be wife!) can do - I had no idea how emotionally draining it would be to see someone you love in pain, and be able to do nothing to ease it, is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

Watching him having to adjust to life with his now permanent disability is heart reaching. He is such a proud man - years of military training teaching him that only being perfect is allowed. Years of using his voice as his tool barking orders at the marine and now watching him feel less than whole as a result of its loss, is terrible.

He feels embarrassed by the dressing on his "stoma" (the hole in his throat) and embarrassed that it results in lots of coughing and spit (as you would imagine a hole in your throat would!) and I hate it. I hate that he feels he should HIDE what's keeping him alive. Hide his trophy of surviving everything cancer has thrown at him to date.

The emotional side is by far the hardest part of living with a new disability - for people on both sides of it. So take the time today - to say you to your friends and loved ones, that you apprichiate them not only for what they do for you - but for the pain and suffering they hide from you in the interests of protecting you.

Does anyone else have similar experiences and tips they could share?